


Chaos inside my Nebula

by MilernaFurey



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-08 07:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5489393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilernaFurey/pseuds/MilernaFurey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrett Hawke leaves Kirkwall and travels with Varric from the start. Witnesses all the events of the Conclave and sees the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, Isabeau Trevelyan's.<br/>A story about the Champion of Hope and his Herald of Faith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There can be no peace for you Hawke

**Author's Note:**

> This my first attempt at multichapter fanfiction, and I am quite excited about it. Hope you like it.  
> My absolute thanks and love to my wonderful Beta, Nerdy_Skirt <3

Ah, he was going to skin Varric alive if this went wrong and they both ended up in a dark dungeon, naked and with a fine view to the noose. He had been hiding for months now, following his dwarven friend close and staying behind for as long as he could. When the Seeker Pentaghast took Varric and fled from Kirkwall with Knight Captain Cullen to the cold mountains, he got a dark foreboding sense that things were going, the same he had felt when Anders said 'There can be no peace'. He remained cloaked in the shadows, moving like a ghost, and when the Conclave blew up, Hawke wanted to roar to the skies and demand an explanation. Somehow, it seemed his fault too. He was there, someone would accuse of it.

He had seen it all, from afar. He saw Varric and Cassandra fighting, as a bald elf approached them. And he also saw the sky torn in half, and his heart ached with a pain he wasn't familiar with. He knew pain, of course, but this...this was a sensation that chocked him and he felt the cold fingers of fear around his heart as viscious tendrils.

But he also saw her, falling from the sky like a lost star. Maker, she had almost hit the spot where he was hiding. His instincts kicked in, and he approached her, checking for any sign of life and then she breathed, gasping and coughing, as she opened her eyes. One green and one blue. He stood still for a few seconds just staring at her until he heard voices approaching them and a different instinct kicked in, the survival one, and he reluntanctly left her, cloaking in the shadows again.

Hawke followed Varric and his new entourage, and remained hidden in an abandoned cabin near Haven. He was a skilled rogue, so food wasn't a problem, and it was near a stream, so water wasn't either. But solitude? Solitude was a different issue. Maker, he was starting to talk to himself. And not just voicing his thoughts as he often did, but entire conversations. Sometimes, echoes of ones he had already had with his friends, or his baby sister, others, conversations he would have loved to have. Especially two: ask Anders why all over again, and try to understand the machinations of the mage's mind and ask Isabela why she left. Why hadn't he been enough?

Weeks passed, and Hawke started to feel restless. His time in the cabin was slowly driving him mad, and he was welcoming the loneliness as an old friend. He should have stayed in Kirkwall and helped to build again the city. But no, he had to flee, in the night, like a coward. He just scribbled a letter for Bethany and another for Aveline, begging her to keep his baby sister safe.  
And all that for what? To get his ass freeze to pieces in a cabin abandoned in the middle of nowhere.

"Relax Hawke, you have to trust me in this one" Varric said, both his hands in the air, in a clear attempt to calm him down. He had visited that day, and brought him clean clothes "She had sided with mages and we will get their help in closing the Breach" the storyteller explained and Garrett started pacing in his room, his mind racing as a stallion from the Anderfels.

"She sided with mages? With mages?" he sneered and a low growl fell from his lips "That girl is mad"

"That girl, as you say, is one of the most kind and wise persons I have ever met" Varric interrupted him and Garrett smirked.

"Don't tell me she already found a way to your stone heart, Varric. Should I fear my position as best friend is threatened?"

"Perish the thought Hawke. I am stuck with you for all eternity" Varric chuckled and ran a hand through his hair "Listen, just wait a bit more. Apparently, once the breach is sealed, we can get out of here and return to Kirkwall. Or maybe pick up Sunshine" he said and tried to encourage his friend with a smile. Garrett nodded and inhaled deeply, silently thanking that Varric left Isabela out of the conversation.

"I will wait, is not like I have nothing better to do" he said and shrugged, causing Varric to chuckle and pat his own thigh, leaving as he thanked him again.

The next morning, the Breach was sealed and Garrett was pleased. It seemed quite easy from a distance, he had to admit. Maybe that girl wasn't that bad at all, he thought and drank some fresh water from his wooden tankard. Hours passed, and he could hear the soft tunes of music, the music of victory almost as if they were carried by the wind. He smirked and sighed. Now it was a good time to leave, he said to himself and started to think what he would do after it.

"What the...?" he asked gobsmacked and slowly stood up as he saw a horde of people carrying torches and making their way to Haven. They had no banner, and Hawke felt his blood freeze in his veins "Maker, no" he muttered and took his daggers, and armor, getting ready for a fight.

A good fight.


	2. Whirling Winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is alive, and it's all that matters to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, all my love goes to my amazing Beta Nerdy_Skirt. This work would be nothing without her.

The same nightmare assaulted him over and over again, and that night was no different, his mind had no mercy on him. Hawke was exhausted, he had fought those blighted bloody red templars for an entire day, enjoying the ebb and flow of the adrenaline in his veins, a sensation he had long forgotten. But now, his exertions were taking their toll on his body, without Anders or Bethany to heal him, his wounds remained open and barely taken care of by his clumsy hands. There was only so much potions could do, he needed a healer. In his nightmare, he saw it all again, the attack on the Chantry, Anders' hollow gaze and the loud noise of his baby sister's heart breaking. Now, new images were added to that, and he groaned, clawing at the edges of his mind, begging to the Fade for release, for mercy, as he saw the destruction of Haven all over again. How many times could he endure to see such destruction and remain sane? The villagers were safe, but the Herald had sacrificed her life in order to buy them some precious time.

As a coward, a bloody coward, he fled from the place and followed Varric closely, always dancing in the shadows, cursing everytime his blood smeared the snow around him. He wanted to stay, to search for her, but his body was in need of rest. Anger started to flow in his veins when he saw that no one, no fucking one, was even considering going back for her. They all spoke of the Herald as a martyr, a bloody saint, and yet, she could be there, alive but no one moved a finger. What good could he do? Most likely, he was going to end up buried in the snow instead of rescuing her and yet, he needed to do something. He...Maker, he wouldn't let anyone else die saving his sorry ass. Technically, she didn't do it for him, and Garrett knew it, but he was alive and kicking and she was no where to be found. In his mind, on his moral scale, that was a damn sacrifice.

"Hawke? I brought you a poultice" Varric said, entering the cave he had found near the improvised camp the Inquisition had set up.

"Any news on the Herald?" he asked and took the tiny box, opening it and applying its content over the deep wound over his thigh.

"No and Cullen and Cassandra are driving me crazy. Bo was the only one capable of making those two see reason" Varric's voice sounded as exhausted as Garrett felt and he grinned.

"Bo?" he asked, pressing a cotton cloth over the wound, arching an eyebrow towards his friend.

"Ah yes, Isabeau. Bo has a better ring, don't you think?" the dwarf grinned and sat next to him, rummaging through the satchel that he brought and offered him some dried cheese "You are fereldan, you must love this" he said and offered him a piece.

"I am fereldan, but that doesn't mean I need to like cheese. That's our King's thing" and he was right, Bo sounded better than just Isabeau, Garrett thought as his tongue rolled the nickname over and over again.

"He should name cheese Ferelden's national food" Varric kept going as he stared at him, his amber orbs suddenly serious, as if he was trying to see the wheels inside his mind.

"He should indeed" Hawke said and nodded, nibbling a piece "Varric, do you think...she made it?" he asked, barely containing himself.

"She is strong for a mage. The only time I saw such power and determination was with Sunshine" he said and clicked his tongue "Oh fuck, I forgot" he started to search through his pockets until he found an envelope "She wrote this to me, in the hopes it could reach you. I didn't open it, even though I was dying to. I deserve a medal" Varric said but Garrett snatched the letter from his hands as if it were meat and he was a starving man. He devoured the content and sighed in relief.

"She made it to Starkhaven with Aveline" he said and swallowed hard, his heart racing and tears burning in the back of his eyes "Sebastian offered them shelter and protection, risking his own name and title. Maker..."

"Well, I always knew the Chantry Boy had a thing for Sunshine, but I never thought he would do such a thing" Varric said with a smile and patter Hawke's leg with affection "You need to keep fighting Hawke. You need to see her again" he said and clicked his tongue for the second time "I almost forgot. I did what you asked me. I contacted Warden Stroud. He was not happy to hear from us, but he says that every Warden in Orlais is hearing The Calling" he sighed and stood up "This shit is not good Hawke. That thing up the hill...you saw it. Fuck, I saw it"

"Corypheus" Hawke said and fought the need to spit out the bile had gathered in the back of his throat "We killed the bastard. I made sure of it!"

"Well, we didn't or he has a very ugly looking twin who wants payback" the dwarf sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose, his golden jewelry reflecting the dim light of the single torch Garrett had lit "I need to share what I know with them, Hawke. They..." loud cries and voices interrupted the dwarf and he looked outside the cave.

"She is alive!" he said and smiled to Hawke, who felt for the first time in a lot of time, the sparking flame of hope warming his heart. Varric ran as fast as he could through the snow to the camp and Garrett stood, staring outside as a lot of people gathered around the former Knight Captain, as he placed a small figure over a bed.

"Thank the Maker" he muttered, not entirely sure if being alive was a curse or a blessing for the Herald, now that the threat of Corypheus was upon them.


End file.
